Not So Close
by probinsyana
Summary: An AU story that took place when Derek isn't speaking with Meredith after she messed up with his clinical trial. He stayed with her because that's what they promised to each other in their post-it marriage.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a month and Derek still didn't talk to Meredith – well not in the way that they used to. They live in the same roof, sleep on the same bed, but, they didn't do as much as touching each other, much more a kiss. Meredith knows that he needs space and that's what she was giving him. And there are times that she thought if any of these will get any better. If there's still a chance that they could go back to the way they were. She misses him terribly – the talking, the touching, the spooning during sleeping, THE SEX! They've been civil to each other and talk works related when needed. They never heard anything from the social worker about Zola that makes the air between them thicker, if that's even possible. Meredith used to being Derek cannot keep his hand off of her. But now, so much as talking to her with eye contact is impossible for him to do.

He woke up before the alarms goes off and went right out from bed. The shift of the bed caused by him makes Meredith awake, too. She shifted and turned to her right and saw Derek's side of the bed empty and the only evidence left the he was there is the crumpled sheets and the scent of his masculinity – amongst the things that she misses so much. The shower goes off signaled that he was taking a bath. He was an hour earlier than his usual morning routine, which she doesn't know why and will never know why unless she arrived in the hospital and found out why. She doesn't ask things to him anymore. The no-eye contact talking makes her feel bad so sometimes she just didn't ask.

Half an hour later, Derek ejected from the bathroom all wet with a towel draped from his waist to his knees. He looks at her looking at him while she still on the bed snuggled in the sheets she was hoping it was his warm body that is next to him. She noticed his almost nakedness and she couldn't help herself but to feel tingly and warm. It's been month since they last do couple-ly things. "Y-you're early today?", she couldn't help but asked. Her body is on fire and she needs to divert her attention to something else or she might jumps at him and consume him alive.

"Yeah, I have this _thing_ that I need to do.", he answered in a monotone that was the usual tone of voice he was using for the past days.

"Ow.", was her only replied. She knows well that that kind of answers that Derek is giving means that he doesn't want to be bothered.

He finished dressing up and was on his way to the door when he says "Bye. See you at work".

She shifted back to her left and looks at him. "Okay.", she said.

She heard the door closing and he was out of sight. She released a sigh that she was holding for minutes and massages her frontal lobe with both hands. She does not know when is this cold war going to end. She understands his frustrations and she know the extent of the mistake she made, messing up with his clinical trial. It was all he dreams about since he met her and knows about her mother and her disease. The fact that Meredith could be having the Alzheimer's genes from Ellis is what driving him to learn more from this disease and finding the impossible cure. He was doing all of these for her because the thought of having her not remembering him is causing him unfathomable fear. So, she couldn't really blame him for the cold treatment. She just hope it'll be over soon because not having to do _things_ she usually do to him is driving her to the brink of her insanity.

The alarms goes off and she turns it off. This means that she, too, will need to start her day. She goes right off from the bed and goes to the closet and gets the clothes she planned to wear today. She put it on the bed and starts stripping her clothes off before going to the bathroom. She was naked and was walking towards the bathroom when the door banged open that gives her a startle. She panicked and covers her breast and her girl parts on an impulse of what could her little hands do and turn around to give a scold to her intruder. She saw that it's just Derek and said, "Oh, you give me a scare."

Seeing his naked wife, Derek closed the door in a jiffy, afraid that someone else in the house might walk pass through in the hallway and could see her wife in her birthday suit. She is a sight to behold and the lights that came out from the bathroom door do so much as make her skin glow in a way that makes every inch of his body hard and tense. The up and down movement of his adam's apple was enough evidence of what his body went through upon seeing her. He must be swallowing all of his saliva. "Ahm, you could at least lock the door before doing that. Someone might see you … ", from the movement of his eyes from her face to her feet, she knows what he meant.

"I'm sorry. I- I thought you already left and I need to take a shower.", since all of her hands are busy covering the body parts that he had been memorized forever, she used her head to point the bathroom.

"Not from me. From the other frat guys in the house.", he paused for a moment then he remembers why he went back, "I forgot my car keys." He gets the keys from the lamp table beside their bed and headed back to the door. He opened it and before going out, he looks at her and said, "And don't you ever cover yourself in front of me." He presses the lock button of the door and closed it on his way out.

…

The day in the hospital went out normal. It was 4:00 in the afternoon when Bailey approached her. "Hey".

"Hey!", she said back. She was confused because Bailey was not speaking to her since the clinical trial incident.

"I'll be to this conference in LA tomorrow. "

"Yeah, I heard of that."

"I mean I supposed to be at the conference… It just that Dad is sick and will have an emergency operation scheduled tomorrow and I really want to be by his side. So, I'm gonna flew home tonight and won't be back 'til Monday."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, not yet. I want you to take over me to the conference. I still hate you but there's no other person I am confident enough to take over me other than you and Webber, so… "

There's a long pause between them, it's as if each other is afraid to start saying words .

Bailey sighs and continue, "Look, Webber is not with himself lately with stepping down as a chief and with Adele being all Alzheirmer-y, so I am begging you to take over me. This conference is important for the General Surgery department and I know that you're into OB-GYN lately but I really want you to try general surgery so..." She looks at her with as big as her eyes could muster. "So, what can you say? Don't make me beg you. I will but both of us won't like it."

"I-I still need to ask Derek about this and …"

Bailey cut her off and said, "Please?! Please, please. I rarely say please, much more to a person whom I'm still angry at. And this is good for you. I could send someone else but I really want you to go. I don't trust anybody here. I don't trust you that much either but one could only hope."

Long pause.

"Okay, I trust you more than anybody. Is that enough?", Bailey said in hope to make Meredith succumb to the idea.

"Okay fine. But wait, is the air between us clear now or are you still angry with me?"

"A little."

"Hmm.", Meredith said while her hands were on her hips.

Bailey turns to the direction she's going at and started walking, leaving Meredith in the spot. Then she stopped on her fifth step and turns back to her and said, "I know you don't understand me. I'm upset with you and I know you think it's none of my business.."

"Dr. Bailey, I …."

"Shh… It's just that you are one of the brightest and I see so much of a promise with your talents as a surgeon and I'm walking heads up thinking all of that and I was having big hopes for you. So, I'm angry.. To you. To myself."

"What?"

"Coz I think I'm not a good teacher as I thought I was."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay and I'm sorry, too. So, you're going? It's for General Surgery and I hope you're interested coz Webber said that maybe that's the path you're taking…"

"Ahm, I'm still not sure for that path but..."

"But you're going, right? My flight is in an hour and I really need to go to the airport now. Say yes. Please." There it goes, the big eyes again, only now its pleading.

"Okay fine, yes!"

"Oh thank God! You don't need to worry about anything. Travel and accommodation has been taking care of. Papers and documents are ready. I will give it to you later as well as the USB that has the power point pesentations in it. All you need to do is to study and to spread the words to the people in the conference like a messiah."

Now it's Meredith's eyes that couldn't grow any bigger. "Whoa, whoa! Power point what? Do I need to speak in front?"

"Yes, of course. You need to present what we have and what we still don't have to those people. Didn't I tell you?"

"No, you didn't"

"Oh now I did. Thanks Grey, I owe you one. Everything you need is in the nurse's station. I gotta go, I have a flight to catch on. And it's a week-long conference so you should know. You can do this."

"Grrr.."

…

That night, she packed a week's worth of clothes when Derek arrived. "What are you doing?", he said. He looked at her while she arranged her clothes in a luggage on the bed.

"I have this conference in LA, so…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's emergency. Bailey just told me this afternoon and I didn't see you in the hospital. It's only a week long."

"A week long?!", he's voice raised an octave or two.

She didn't know what he thinks at the moment. He just look at her intently. "I cannot not go. It's Bailey and I really wanna be in her good side. And I think it's good for me."

"So when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning."

He sighs. "Couldn't they get another representative?"

"Bailey said she can't. Look, it's really an emergency. I think you've heard about what had happened to Bailey's father."

He nodded. "Okay, you need a ride to the airport?"

"No. The hospital will be sending a service to pick me up."

"Okay. I'm ah…", he obviously want to say something but was holding it up to himself. He lies down on her side of the bed because she was occupying his side with all the packing.

"I'm sorry, you wanna sleep?", she started gathering some of her clothes that wasn't packed yet. It was obvious that she planned to move her packing to somewhere other than the bed.

"No, no. I will just lie here. Continue with what you're doing."

"Okay. Thanks."

She finished all the packing while Derek was on the other side of the bed, sometimes he looked at her and seemed like he wanna say something but most of the time, he just stared at the ceiling. He was deep in thought and was so concentrate as if there was a big screen on it and a movie was being played on. She will be gone for a week and the thought of not seeing him makes her sad. It would be fine if they're talking to each because they could talk over the phone or skyping.

"I'm all set."

"I see."

"Ahm, look, I-I need to go back to the hospital because…", he didn't let her finish her sentences.

"What? Why?", it was obvious by the tone of his voice that he was upset. He won't be seeing her for a week and he really wanna be with her as long as possible before the morning comes. He wanted to get lucky tonight. It's been a month and it's been driving him crazy to be with her on the bed and not doing anything with her. He's just angry and he has every reasons to be. It's just that it's been a month and all he could do was looked at her when she sleeps – every night.

"I need to have a last visit with my patients before I go. I need to re-assign them to other doctors and I need to see their availability over the week so I could fit my patients in their schedule. It could take a while so don't wait up.", as if he will.

He sigh and then said in very low voice that she almost couldn't hear it, " 'Kay."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: People it's my first time to write a story so I'm a little bit shock to some hateful reviews. But I'm learning and I'll take it as a constructive criticism. Anyway, thanks for the time

Note: This is basically a moment after chapter one. I cut it off because it already is so long.

The visit to the hospital took longer than she thought. She was being pulled up by an emergency surgery over a patient who was overdosed on drugs. By the time they got all the unwanted drugs out of the patient's system, it was already past midnight.

She went back home by 1:00 am and saw that Derek was still on her side of the bed, dozing off. She didn't have the energy to cleaned up so she crashed immediately on his side of the bed, not even changing her clothes.

The next thing she knows was the sound of the alarm dozing off on the lampshade's table. The clock says 6:00 which means that she needs to get up and be ready before her service will come and pick her up by 7 o'clock. Derek was out of the bed already.

"_Damn that stupid brain man, always wakes up before the alarm._", she thought. She will be gone for a week and she worries about their situation, on top of the list that she needs to be worried about, like talking in front of the doctors - opinionated ones. Which means, she might be bombarded with questions after her talk. Or worst, during. And Derek being difficult is not helping with her stress. Now that she thinks of it, it makes her angry. She has been apologetic to him, offering the olive branch or whatever. If it's not enough with him, then she couldn't offer a better way to resolve whatever that is between them. She will stop thinking about where is their relationship heading and will just enjoy this opportunity. If only she could. Public speaking is not one of her favorite things to do.

She gets up and stomped her feet on her way to the bathroom harder than needed, with hands fisted on both her sides. "Stupid conference. Stupid husband.", she mumbled. "If this is what you want, then it's what I'm giving you. No calls, no skype. No whatever. Stupid!"

All her fears for the conference channels to her husband and him not even as much as saying goodbye before he went to the hospital didn't help to calm her down. He knows they won't see each other for the next week. And yet …

…

She feels a lot better after 30 minutes of hot shower. She went right out from the bathroom in a towel to start changing clothes. She walks to the closet when suddenly, the door opens that gives her a startle.

"Ah!", she exclaimed. She saw Derek coming in. "Why do you always do that?", she asked in a high tone.

"What? That's what we do with doors, we open it.", he closed it and sat down on the bed.

"I thought you're in the hospital."

"I will be. I just went out to get some food first. The fridge is empty so I went to the nearest breakfast food house. I bought you some pancakes. It's downstairs."

Is this his olive branch? "Thank you. My ride will be here any minute so I don't have the luxury to eat it in the kitchen."

"Bring it with you.", then, came a long pause. "Look, Owen just called a minute ago. He really needs me, so goodbye… Take care of yourself."

"I will. Thanks."

"_Now if you won't do as much as kissing me goodbye, I'll go __**anime**__ on you._", she thought, picturing an angry anime with a body on fire, literally.

He went near her and kissed her on the lips, long and hard. It was interrupted by Derek's phone, ringing. He got it from his pocket, looked at the name of the caller on the screen and answered it with annoyance, "I'm coming."

It was Owen on the other line, "The patient won't wait up, Derek. Hurray."

"Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes.", he cut the phone call and look at her. "I really need to go.", then he stormed right out from the bedroom.

…

It's Thursday and the 4th day of the conference, although it's still Meredith's 3rd day as she didn't showed up for the first day – hell, she just learned that day that she will be in this conference – that covers the registrations and settling in of the participants. That was Bailey's plan and schedule that she just followed. She didn't know how Bailey puts her name on the registration and arranged everything for her. But it's Bailey so she was not a bit shock. It's Meredith first schedule to speak in front. She had been studying for this for the past 3 days. She even called up Bailey, twice, for some clarifications. She will going to discuss for the allotted time of 2 hours, the SGMW newest method of curing _**fistulas**_. She will be up in the stage and will present Bailey's paperworks and powerpoint presentation that she had been working on for days, so, she better not screw this up.

It's 1:00 in the afternoon and it's her time to speak up. She heard her name was being called by the master of ceremony so she composed herself and went in front, positioning herself behind the microphone. She could see the introduction of the powerpoint presentation in the projector, set up behind her. She cleared up her throat and started talking. "Hi, I'm Dr Meredith Grey from Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. I'm here to represent Dr Miranda Bailey … ".

The presentation went well. Now she needs to wait till tomorrow at the same time for the second half of her presentation. The last speaker for the day from Mass Gen has just wrapped up his work so she readied herself to call it a day and go back to her LONELY room where she is all ALONE. She stands up and gathers her things when she hears someone talking from behind.

"Hey."

She turned around and faced the owner of the voice.

He continued, "I'm Dr Shaun Brown. I think you saw me presenting yesterday, so, you might know that I'm native from here. You're from Seattle, right? You were great up there.", he was referring to the speech she had earlier. He then extended his hand for a handshake and she accepted it. He's tall, with a semi-skinhead hair and looks like he is on his mid 30's.

"Yeah, I remember. I'm Dr Grey.", she force-ly get her hands from the handshake that took longer than needed, of which it was not her doing.

"It's funny. Grey, Brown, are we up to making a human color wheel or what?", he said and laughed afterwards.

She fakes laughs, too, coz that's what civilized people do when someone cracks a non-funny joke, or so she thought. She wanted to stop their chit-chat and implying it by not commenting on what he had just said.

But he is persistent, "Ahm, look, in risking of being so forward, I know a pretty good place from the vicinity, so, ahm, wanna hangout and have dinner? I know it's early but…"

"Sorry, I can't."

"Ow, okay. How about a drink later, tonight? I know a bar across the street that I think has a table with our names on it."

"Really, I'm sorry. I can't!", she started walking, leaving him behind.

He walks right after her and said, "Or we could just go to your place and hangout. I can cook. It's your call."

She stopped walking, and then she gives a good yelp when he bumped into her from behind - clearly he didn't anticipate her sudden action. She distanced herself from him and faced him.

"Look, I have a very angry and difficult husband and I just given up my daughter to the adoption agency. And apparently, I betrayed the people that I love. So, what now?", she said it in exaggeration to scare him away.

"Ow. Ahm. I guess, that's all for today, then? Nice talking to you, Dr Grey. See you around.", he left her, more running than walking, in a pursuit to get away from her sooner.

…

It's 10 o'clock at night. She was lying on the bed and readied herself for sleep. Tomorrow is Derek's 42nd birthday and she doesn't know how she'll gonna react with that - she had too much to think about this past weeks that she forgot about it until yesterday. Of course she would call and greet him tomorrow but that's the only entry amongst the list of ideas that she wanna do on his special day. Celebrating each other's birthday is not a big of a deal for them but they make sure to be together on that day – having dinner, and the best part of the celebration comes afterwards behind their closed door. She sighs. Loud. That's her favorite thing to do, lately. She couldn't ask him to go online and have skype with him. She still has the dignity.

Though, Derek called on her first night in LA but that's the most she got from him. They talked for 30 minutes with awkward gaps in betweens. He was just checking if everything was okay with her. He never called back again and she was deep into studying her presentations that she almost didn't notice that.

She should be sleeping by now because she still needs to appear for the last time in front of her medical hungry audience, but with the thoughts of Zola and Derek running inside her head, that's an arduous task for her to do nowadays. She missed her baby so much. And him! She sighs, again.

An hour had past and she was still deep in her thoughts. The hotel phone at her bedside rings that made her squeal "Jesus!". It's the first time that the phone rang and she could not think of any person who will give her a call except the hotel personnels. "You better have a good reason to call or I'll give you an earful.", she mumbled to herself while picking up the phone. Then, she answers it with irritation, "Hello?!"

A friendly voice speak up, "Hi, Dr. Grey, this is Emma from the information desk, a certain Dr. Derek Shepherd is with me right now. He's looking for you?"

She arose half of her upper body abruptly in shock. "He's what?"

"Ah, he is downstairs, maam. He said he is your husband. Can I send him in?"

"Huh?"

"Maam, I really need a yes or no answer from you.", she said.

"Y-Yes.", that's all she could say.

…

Note: I had to stop. It's too long. To be continued on the next chapter.

PS: If you noticed, I'm not that good in grammar and I got confused whether I should use past tense or not on the non-dialogue script. With these, any correction is greatly welcome. Really! That would help with my English!


	3. Chapter 3

She was pacing in her room's receiving area where a sofa can be seen in one of the corners. She was waiting for a knock at the door and she can't help but feel a little nervous. She didn't know why he was here and that gives her a bit scare.

Awhile later, the doorbell dings. She took a moment before she answers the door. When she opened it, she saw Derek with nothing but a small bag on his hand. The one that he always brings to the hospital.

They were looking at each other for a moment.

"Hey.", he said first and walks in the room, passing right through her. He looks a little weary and agitated, she noticed and she attributed it from the jetlag. He never likes riding in an airplane.

"Hey.", she said back before closing the door. They were standing next to each other awkwardly and no one said a thing. She then left him near the door and went to the sofa to take seat. She has so many things she wants to say to him but nothing comes out from her mouth.

Both are silent. No one wants to break the tension between them and it makes Meredith thinks of the possibilities. "_Why is he here? Is he gonna break up with her? Because now is really not a good time. She needs to be focused. But then, there is no better time for him breaking up with her. Its still feel the same way. She experienced it and it hurts like hell._", she thought, her eyes become misty of all the emotions her body has to endured at the moment. She looks at him, then suddenly, the air in the room becomes warmer and she feels the need to drink something because her throat feels dry. It always makes her wonder why he still has that effect on her. All those years of being together, it never change, he still took her breath away.

Derek looks at her from afar, too. He rakes his fingers through his overly moussed hair and exhales so loud it looks like he's dispensing all the air out from his lungs. He throws his left hand in the air while the other hand is still holding the bag. Then, in out of frustration, he said "What happened to your phone?"

"What?", she asked confusedly.

"I've been calling you whole day and you couldn't be reached."

"Ow. I forgot to charge it. It must be out of battery, already. I was really nervous about this whole_ 'speaking in front of the judge-y doctors'_ thing that I even forgot I have one. Which I remember now, so…", she cut her rumbling and get-on on what's more important. "W-why? You wanna say something?"

He sighs. He put his bag down the floor and walks towards her and is standing right in front of her, his nervousness can be shown by his uneasiness. "Look. I'm sorry. I really am. I was being a jerk. It just that… I was in and out of the OR, dealing with someone else's brain, literally, and all I could think about is you. That you might came to your senses and will realize that I'm not worthy to fight for. And I am - I know that. You've been sorry and all I do is shove you out. And I called you a thousand times today and I couldn't reach you and I'm just… I didn't sleep well this past days thinking…", he was out words. He kneels down in front of her because that's the only way he could be of her level and look at her eyes. Those eyes that could see right through his soul. Those pretty eyes he adores so much. And in a quiver, he said, "I miss you so much. I can't live without you." Then he hugged her so hard it seemed like all her internal organs interlaced with each other. "Please don't leave me.", he said.

"I couldn't.", she said in astonishment. He squeezed her diaphragm and vocal chords so that her words came out in a low rasping voice. All those words he spoke brings the sourness in her mouth and she couldn't help but to shed a tear, with Derek's blue shirt as the only witness as it falls into his shoulder as she closed her eyes. Moments have past and it seemed like he has no plans of letting her go so she said, "Derek, I couldn't breathe."

"I'm sorry.", he loosened his hug and looks her in the face. He couldn't content his feelings anymore so he started kissing her – No, devouring her. He puts himself in between her legs, without so much as breaking the kiss. He was doing it like he has been in a drought for so long and he found an oasis in Meredith's mouth.

She needs to stop him or they'll die of oxygen deprivation, "We need to breath."

"Yeah.", was all he could muster before he started kissing her again. This time, he made it sure to take a moment for them to breath. Then he said, "It's my birthday and you didn't greet me.", in between pecking his lips.

"Well, tomorrow is your birthday". Kiss. "So, I will greet you tomorrow." Kiss.

"Okay, I'll wait.", he said before he started his mouth's journey down to her neck with his hands roaming around her body that he had been memorized forever. Both of her hands where now holding Derek's head as if encouraging him to go-on on what he was doing. She started writhing so bad as sensations after sensations becoming of her. She was out of control when Derek's mouth found one of her breasts - she didn't even remember how he unbuttoned her upper pajamas. She needs to lean-on onto sofa's recliner for support, bringing Derek's head with her.

The body contact he had with Meredith is not enough and he needs a better access to her entirety so he carries her to the bed and lie her down. He covered her body with his and started bathing her with kisses again. Now, his hands were in a mission to get everything out from her body that is not part of her anatomy. Years of practice have made him do it without breaking the kiss. And now in her birthday suit, and with Derek's mouth on hers and one of his hands is stroking the very core of her womanhood, she was moaning and clutching to everything her hands get in contact with – his shoulders and hair were most likely the target. His mouth left hers and started to navigate down when she stopped him by pulling the collars of his shirt. "Please. I'll die. I want you now.", she said in delirium. One month is long overdue – she need her Derek fix. Derek smirk at her impatience and then kiss her mouth soft before he kneels up and started unbuttoning his shirt while Meredith helps him with his pants, unbuckling his belt first. She was having a hard time doing it with all the shaking and with the belt's buckle unfamiliar to her, "I can't do it. Is this belt new?", she said in desperation.

"Yes.", he laughed a little. He then do the unbuckling himself. "Don't worry you can practice."

They were gloriously naked the next time their bodies contact. Then they unite, body to body, heart to heart, soul to soul.

...

They lie intertwined after the bliss union. Derek can't seem to get enough from kissing her as he is pecking her from time to time.

Then, Meredith remembers something so she grabbed Derek's hand and look at the watch on it. She then said, "Twelve oh six. Happy Birthday!", and gives him wet kiss.


End file.
